"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD."
I am hungry from fasting, angry at my husband and maybe I am angry at You, my Lord. I am angry at myself. I do not understand my anger. At this moment I cling to those verses, that You know and understand me when I do not. You've searched me. You know me, You understand my thoughts, You comprehend my path. You are acquainted with all my ways. You have sovereignly hedged me in at this juncture in my life and I am fighting it.
There is no higher plane of living if I can not live higher here. There are no greater women of inspiration than the women You have placed right here in front of me. The grass is not greener nor the sky bluer in Maine or Hawaii than in Kansas. Beauty is here.. now, and if I miss it here, I will miss it there, too.
Before I was even born, You wrote every day in a book, fashioned it as a novel, my personal novel written by God. Why be concerned about what I am accomplishing in life? God has it all written down. It will happen, or not. Whatever He wills.
Can I accept that? Sometimes "no". I bristle instead of submit. God will have to break my pride and I fear the pain of it.
In verses 23 and 24 the Psalmist invites God to probe his innermost thoughts and feelings. "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." He submits himself to God's correction and direction. Oh, that I might be willing to do the same. Would You do it in spite of me?
I don't know what wall I've tried to build between You and me, God, but can You break it down and come in? Can You clean me up? Correct me, Lord.
His mercy endures forever.
What areas of correction might God be working on in your life?