Saturday, March 20, 2010

Devotional Snapshot 53 - Control

"...service takes on its true character when we do things with others. This is never an easy road to travel. It is the slow road requiring much patience and care. We find it easier to do things for others. We can then be our quick and efficient selves. We can then set the terms and conditions. We can then be available or withdraw when it suits us...a slow job done together is better than a fast job done alone." Dare To Journey Charles Ringma #39

Proverbs 15:30 "A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones."

(Years ago my husband and I were between jobs and in between homes. So we were living on the graciousness of others.)

I needed some place to cry. I am not in my home so I can't cry here because I don't want my in laws to hear me. They would ask why and I wouldn't be honest---adding sin to sin.

I'm embarrassed to say I'm crying because I'm mad; mad at my husband for not supporting my viewpoint around the kitchen table, mad that I can't have my own way---cook when I want, how I want, what I want. I am mad that I don't have my own nest to ruffle my feathers in and cluck about proudly. I'm a momma bird swooping around the trees looking for home and having to share a nest with another momma bird. Even though it is not my nest I brazenly strut my will about the kitchen as if I am Queen hen of the roost. It doesn't take long for my clucking to start the other patient and contented ones into a cluck of their own. I have stirred the roost.

So what did I do after saying harsh words to my husband and polite silence to my kind and generous in-laws (I am no easy daughter-in-law)? I should have grabbed my husband and hugged him and told him I was sorry. I should have kissed my parents and thanked them for their generosity in offering their home to us without financial obligations. I should have blessed the Lord for His provision to us through them while we are jobless.

No. After thirty-five years of conferences, retreats, scripture memory, perfect church attendance, daily quiet times...I got up and left. Passive-aggressive I believe they call that. Fifty-five years old and I still act like a child. When will I grow up? That is what my father used to say when I was 12 and I'm still saying it to myself today.

What was my verse for today? A cheerful heart brings joy and health. Well, I've blown that verse today. Lord, help! I need a change of attitude!

And you know, the Lord didn't slap me around. He could have. I deserved it. No. He gave me these verses instead. Psalm 90:1,2,12 "LORD , You have been our dwelling place in all generations (I don't need a home, I have Him), before the mountains were brought forth, or ever You had formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God (my clucking stops when I remember who is God)...So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." I'm learning, I'm in process, I can start over, I will say sorry. I will appreciate today. God help me to gain a heart of wisdom and to live obediently.

I could not be in control so I sinned out of control. What about you? Are there some issues that make you easily irritated? Confess, receive His forgiveness, and tell the person you are sorry.

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